23 January, 2004

Although I am an extremely private person, I am also an open-book. Yes, more of the enigma that is me. As I said in my previous post, I do not let many people get too close to me, but for those few who have and do get that close, I share with them anything they desire to know about me. However, there are a few things I will share with complete strangers, as well, and here they are:

Married Life:

On October 31, 2001, I married my best friend, soul mate, and lover, Matt. Matt and I met in an AOL chatroom in late December 2000, briefly. I had just ended a horrible two-year relationship in August of 2000, and although I was not really ready for another one, Matt did peak my interest enough for me to add him to my buddy list. We chatted infrequently through the month of January 2001 and in February, I had to turn off my internet connection (and most of my other foo foo utilities) to catch up on some bills from the previous relationship.

I have admitted to Matt that I did forget about him during my absentee from the net world that month. And I was surprised when he contacted me again in mid-March. To make a long story short, by June he had moved from Oklahoma to Virginia to be with me, and although we had planned to marry in September (the 11th to be exact, but that wasn't an anniversary I wanted to share with the rest of the world!), we didn't marry until October 31st (my favorite holiday and his mother's birthday).

Matt and I have a compatible relationship. We are both loners and quite content with our own company. He drives a truck and is often away from home for two weeks at a time. This gives us both the needed space away from one another, and what I believe, allows our marriage to be as successful as it is.

Spare Time and Hobbies

I don't have a great deal of spare time because I devote myself to a lot of causes: politics, spirituality, human rights, enviromental concerns, and animal rights. When I do have some spare time, I can often be found reading books (which of course are usually about politics) or watching home improvement shows on tv. I have four beautiful cats with distinct personalities and I love to spend time with them. I also occassionally chat on Yahoo in a religion room.

Some of my favorite hobbies include cooking, watercolor painting, collage making, writing poetry, essays and short fiction, and learning as much as I can about alternative healing methods.

My Thoughts On Religion

I debated seriously about including this part in this post, but in order for strangers to understand where I am coming from when they read some of my posts, I feel that this is crucial. So here it goes.

I was raised in all the trappings of the Southern Baptist form of Christianity: the guilt, the fear, the shame. We were taught not to enjoy this life, but to keep our eyes on an afterlife. Perhaps this is why I was such a somber child (and to a greater extent still a somber adult).

While staying with an aunt in the summer of my sixteenth year, I met a couple of Mormon missionaries and over a period of a year, converted to Mormonism. The close-knit community of Mormons didn't really suit my aloof attitude. I enjoyed the company of a select few members and would avoid large gatherings involving the whole church community. Due to certain circumstances involving a bad marriage and a divorce, I became disenchanted with the Mormon church (details that I may reveal at a later time) and disgusted with Christianity altogether.

For a period of about a year and a half, I wandered about aimlessly, leaning more towards agnostism and close to the brink of atheism. A boyfriend of the time brought up the prospects of Wicca to me, and although I was a tad bit interested, my deep christian roots of fear, guilt and shame, prevented me from even looking into it for over a year. I had always been fascinated with witches and tarot, probably because the SB preacher was so dead-set against such things. Finally, one day, I came across a book by Scott Cunningham on solitary wicca. Oh, so a Wiccan could practice solo? I had always thought that Wiccans only practiced in covens, and the prospects of learning a spiritual path that I could mold to my own personal need without outside influence greatly appealed to me. I embraced solitary wicca wholeheartedly and would practice it for the next 15 years.

What I learned from Wicca was that you did not have to fear the Divine. There was no guilt or shame in Wicca. There was no one to impress, no one to control what you learned and how you applied your knowledge. There was only one simple rule in Wicca: Harm None. It was liberating to know that I could do anything I wanted so long as I didn't deliberately harm any other being. I didn't need to ask anyone for forgiveness and I didn't need a mediator to talk to the Divine.

During the course of my newfound beliefs, I met a reiki master while in college. She and I became fast friends, and she also became a guru of sorts to me. It was through her that I learned to appreciate alternative healing practices, herbalism, mediatation and working with my chakras. Gradually, from her guidance, I began to appreciate other spiritual paths like Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism.

Today, my own beliefs are loosley based on Wiccan principles, Buddhism, and a bit of Taoism. I embrace nature naturally, enjoy quiet moments of meditation, and have learned to apply alternative healing and herbalism in my life. I have learned that the Divine is within us all and that we are all connected to a higher life force energy, be it God, the ONE, Alah, or any number of gods of antiquity. I have even come to terms with my past disdain for Christianity and have learned to embrace the christ-like love that should be, but isn't always, the cornerstone of that religion. Christ, Buddha, and many other "prophets", seers, wisepeople to me are mere symbols of how we as humans should treat our fellow beings.

+ posted by lorianna66 at 11:06 a.m.

1 slipped off the lilypad