2004-01-23

Sometimes I get bored with the way things are going in my life and I reach out into the neatherworld for a change, any change. Today was such a day. I wanted a place that was different from anything else I have created. Some place more delicated but with enough strength to withstand my occassional ramblings about things that tick me off. It is my wish that this small space on the Net will be that long sought-after place.

I've always had a fascination with Lilies. I think it goes back to my childhood when I watched a movie called Lilies of the Field starring Sidney Poitier (one of my all-time fave actors!). Although it was a bit of a religious-oriented movie, I think I was charmed by the way the nuns were able to persuade Poitier's character (Homer Smith) into doing things for them. The movie, to me, represented peaceful humbleness and charity, which I do not consider to be just religious ideals. In fact, lilies represent that peaceful humbleness to me as well.

Although cala lilies are my favorite of all lilies, I do love them all in my own special way. There is just something so elegant and delicate about a cala lily. And yet, when I peer inside, I am faced with an endless vortex, spiraling further and further into infinity. One could easily lose one's self in that downward spiral without a care to return. Sometimes I think that would be the ultimate contentment, to be in that vortex without a care in the world.

Oh yes, I can hear the panic in questioning voices: "but wouldn't you be lonely?" "what if there was no way out?" "what if..."

I think those who are lonely in this world have never come to terms with self. They will do anything, everything to avoid self. Endless tv watching, playing video games, chatting on the computer, blogging, talking on the phone, visiting people they really do not care that much about... just to avoid taking a few moments to quietly, calmly, be with self. I've also noticed that these are the same people who constantly rant "no one really knows or understands me!" Well darlin' how can they when you do not even know or understand yourself?

This is the lesson I learned by sitting and breathing: I am in that vortex and it is calm and peaceful, nothing but the breath. It is when I am no longer aware of breathing that I am with self and yet, without self. Yes, it is quite a conundrum; however, it is in that place that I have learned more about self than at any other time in my life.

I think it is important to just BE for a while, without the hassles of daily life, the constant chittering of the tv, the constant tap tap tap of the computer keys... when you are just BEING, there is no room for loneliness.

+ posted by lorianna66 at 2:20 a.m.

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