24 January, 2004

So my shrink says I have Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) which means:

A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1. neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family

2. almost always chooses solitary activities

3. has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person

4. takes pleasure in few, if any, activities

5. lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives

6. appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others

7. shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

Well, duh! I could have told him that and saved myself the $200+ I have paid him over the last couple of months!

He also thinks I am borderline Schizotypal, which means:

A pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, and reduced capacity for, close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference)

2. odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with subcultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or "sixth sense"; in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations)

3. unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions

4. odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped)

5. suspiciousness or paranoid ideation

6. inappropriate or constricted affect

7. behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar

8. lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives

9. excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self

I guess he didn't like my response when he asked me how I felt about Aliens (shrugs).

So this is what I have been paying all that damn money for, to find out things about myself that I already knew. Hell, he should have just asked me and I could have told him instead of taking all those stupid evaluation tests he had me take.

One particular answer I gave him today about another of his questions (Why don't you like people?) apparently didn't set too well with him. He leaned across his big oak desk, tipped his glasses down on his nose and looked at me over the upper rim: "Lorianna, is there any particular reason why you do not like people?"

Oh yeah, doc...people are clingy, stupid, backstabbers, out for themselves, pretentious (like you), boring, and oh yeah, fuckin' annoying.

He pushed his glasses back up and began rubbing his chin with one hand while he penned some notes in that damn red notebook of his.

He looked up and said, "And your relationship with your siblings, how is that going?"

Fine, doc...so long as they leave me the hell alone.

Again, more chin rubbing and note-taking.

(laughs)

This went on for about an hour (parents, husband, fellow workers, yada yada yada) and finally he stood up and declared our session over.

The poor guy! Is it really so impossible to believe that there are people out there who really, truly do not give a fuck?

Well, that's not entirely true. I am not totally apathetic about everything. I do have my causes that I fight for, so long as I can do them safely and solitarily from home.

(chuckles)

Anyhoo, I have another session next month. He wants me to start keeping a journal about things that tick me off. So far, he is the only thing in the book.

+ posted by lorianna66 at 1:06 a.m.

1 slipped off the lilypad