28 January, 2004

It is early morning and I am sitting here sipping a cup of Fruit and Almond tea, puffing on my morning cigarette and contemplating my life.

I remember how in my youth, no one could dissway me from my goals of going to a certain college and becoming a writer. Although the road was sometimes bumpy along the way, I did manage to make it to that certain college and I did get not only my bachelors there, but also my masters. The writer part, though, has been mostly put on hold for the last five years or so.

Most of the time, I just don't have anything to write. I cannot think of a single important detail to put down into words, so I just don't write at all. Sure, it is easy to keep a diary online and fill it will nonsensical drivel from time to time, but that isn't the kind of writer I want to be. I want to have something profound to say to the world around me. I want the world to read my words and have an aha! moment. Pretty egotistical of me, huh?

I remember one of my college professors telling me that "if you write it, an audience will appear to read it." Oh really? I know that her point was that we shouldn't write for an audience, but to allow an audience to find us after the fact. This was the same professor who told the class to write write write, every single day, even if it is just one word on a page. Easy for her to say. I think her muses work overtime. Mine are fickle and only visit when they have something interesting to give to me.

I know. I really do know that I shouldn't be beholden to the voices in my head. However, it isn't that easy to dismiss them. And why should I? Sometimes they really do bring me some incredible snippets of poetic musings. Or, perhaps it is easy to use them as an excuse for not writing often enough.

I think I am afraid of success.

+ posted by lorianna66 at 7:15 a.m.

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